Loneliness

Loneliness is more than a feeling

It is a state of being

Loneliness is more than a time and space

It is trying to remember when was that last embrace?

Loneliness is like drowning in your own skin while others watch from a distance.

It is the enemy of joy and the cheater of peace.

Loneliness is living in a deafening silence while noise and busyness surrounds you.

There is a type of loneliness that is experienced that happens, let’s say, after a bad breakup. Some alone time is healthy during a time of healing. That alone time is actually good for you. The loneliness I speak of is that when you feel like you are completely alone although you are being surrounded by people. It is feeling like no one really sees you, much less understands you. It is a feeling that those who say they love you, only “love” you conditionally. It is the feeling that your presence isn’t appreciated or even really needed. Feeling like your contribution is never enough, what you do or who you are is never enough. This can happen in marriages and friendships, in a full and busy home life and in social situations. The actions and words of others or lack thereof catapults this state of being. Validation doesn’t exist and you feel invisible.

It is this that makes one feel lonely. This is the dark place that is difficult to climb out of. A space where the spirit is broken and the soul is crushed. One would expect that those who love you could see, could know, the emptiness that has filled you…but most don’t.

The greatest failure is when loneliness goes unnoticed, but instead is empowered to cultivate and dig its roots deeply. It is where one meets the deepest sorrow in the darkest cavern. Where light evades and hope loses meaning. Where tears are endless and wash away all semblance of life. Where memories become clouded by poor judgment and tomorrow? Well, just seems impossible.

The scary thing is, is how easy it is to mask loneliness. How easy it is to hide it from everyone. A smile, a giggle, the ability to socialize and have no one realize what you’re truly feeling. The countless nights of dragging yourself out to gatherings, but showing up with a smile.

Loneliness is an ailment in its own category. Where one exists and yet feels as if one amounts to nothing. She is called “the life of every party” but when the party ends, she is barely present even to herself.

Loneliness is a place where one is constantly faced with the difficult and daunting task of trying to remember all the reasons to rise above, move forward and live. It is the moment to choose to reach out to those who love you and ask for help. Easier said than done, but that is the turning point. Asking for help. Letting others in to the truth of your struggle. Awareness is what pulls back the veil and lets light shine in once again.

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