Would you?

Would you do and be as you are
If a camera was watching you? video-943574_1280
Would you say and scream and spill that same venom that stuns, paralyzes and could possibly kill?
Would you be such a loose canon if your life depended on your reactions?
Could you live the risk should it come to pass to lose it all and suffocate?
Could there be so much pain locked up inside that it seeps through at the worst of times to the least deserving?
Yes says the heart that swells and deflates with memories past
Memories you see are not always rainbows and ponies
Memories can be what siphons the life you enjoy – or at least you try to
A life that seems to be only like a blip of a sighting of that cable channel you don’t pay for
Like a constant disappointment that never seems to let up just as you think “I have it all”
Moments that come as quick as the breath you take and flee…just as quickly
You try to savor whatever moment you can grasp then like a match with a short wick you go up in flames and arrows aflame shoot without a captain
Hitting
Crashing
Obliterating
Burn to a crisp
Into anything
Anyone
In it’s path
The aftermath is heart wrenching for all involved and the self hatred seethes
Is this it? You wonder.
Is this who I am?
Within seconds…Sorrow overwhelms that smiling part of you that is trying to hold on for fear it will forever evaporate
And your soul desperately tries to stay afloat – above the sorrow anger horror that lies deep within
You take a moment to look in the mirror and ask yourself some questions but come up with poorly sculpted answers – that writer must be fired – shouldn’t they couldn’t they come up with a better speech to explain away why what and the how could’s?
The ugly takes a backseat and is overcome with tears to find there’s no one to wipe them away – no one
No one can or could ever understand
You realize you are alone in this and the only one to fight back is yourself vs yourself.
The pain that has your heart so heavily entwined with barb wire is untouchable – so it seems
Your sorry doesn’t erase and your forgive me’s don’t fix the scars that have been laid down with words that will never ever be reversed no matter what poetry you try to cover it with.
The tongue – the double edged sword which cuts from any and every angle
Deadly it slices the fiber of ones being and how can that ever be healed?
If you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all they say
If you don’t say anything how can anyone hear you
If no one is listening how can I not say anything at all because afterall if I speak louder won’t I be heard? Someone has to hear…right?
Invisibility is a deadly disease that is cured by nothing and causes all sorts of complications
If I’m not heard then I’m not here
So louder I get, I mean I have to right?
Louder so the world hears beyond the small little confined space I feel I’m in where my voice has no meaning and I’m just to comply and follow along with everyone’s best plan.
The louder I get the more spikes I spit
Like a broken movie reel that keeps playing the same scene in a jumpy nauseating tempo
Like a scratched record playing the same 4 bars of music over and over again
SOMEONE TAKE THE NEEDLE OFF THE RECORD
please
please
Change the movie
Change the song
Change the ending
Would you do and be as you are
If a camera was watching you?

5 thoughts on “Would you?

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